I know I should be sleeping right now but I can't seem to shake it. I know that it's been almost a month since I last updated a lot has happened and I just don't ever feel like talking about things when things aren't too bad. Not that these are necessarily bad times.
I suppose you remember when I said mark your calenders for 6/20? Well I made my move and texted her after about 3 weeks of not talking. She responded saying that she missed me and I was truly happy for the first time in a while. Ever since the first couple of days things have been going back and forth. She's not ready for me and I can tell. She might like me but it's not enough for her to shake her ex bf for good.
The guy has been having a lot of trouble with the breakup and I really do sympathize with him. I know how hard it can be and sometimes you feel like the whole world is just rejecting you, not because they actually are, but your whole world is. This girl is the type that becomes your whole world. She is perfect in every way.
I know this girl, I have the right feelings about her, it's not about anything but making her happy. I really do want that. I think in a good way she makes me a better person. I have been sober for so many days now I have honestly lost count. I know it's been over 3 weeks but those days are really starting to blur together. I have also recently taken up praying.
If you don't know me and I would assume that you don't I have never been the biggest on praying. I have never been much in tuned with God or Jesus but I guess I have a confession to make. On 6/20 I prayed harder then I ever have. I prayed for a lot of things, I prayed for all my family members and all the unfortunate things that happen, but mostly I prayed for her. I prayed that she find happiness and I made a promise to God that I would be not only loyal to her but to him. This really is a new leaf to my life, I fully accept Jesus Christ as my savior and truly believe in god.
God is good. I heard that all my life and now I have put my life in his hands. I know that he will lead me to great things. I know that I have to do work and that he isn't going to make it easy but the path has been laid before me. I know my path includes her. I don't know what it is that makes me so convinced. Perhaps I'm a sucker for things like this but I really believe it.
I really do believe I have changed, it honestly is weird just re-reading my words. It doesn't even really sound like me. But it is, it's the new me. Before I go to sleep tonight I will probably pray, not because I feel like it's the right thing to do, but I think someone is listening to me. The signs have been shown, my brothers is doing a lot better and she has started to talk to me once more. Even though today she hasn't talked to me I know she is there and I know that she cares for me. The same thing can be said about god, even though he doesn't talk back to me, I know he is listening. They're signs everywhere you go, you just have to be looking for Him. I know that if god really wants this to happen then he will let it happen and if this is a test then I'm going to pass it with flying colors. I will not waiver in my faith nor in my love.
These are the words of a changed man, I know that I'm not completely a good soul, I have a lot to atone for. I know at times I might falter but I will regroup with God as my witness. If God does answer my prayers then she shall eventually be mine. I know that I can make her very happy and that I will be good to her for the rest of my life.
Not Really Spinning
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