I'm back to drinking a whole lot. I know that doesn't come to much of a surprise for some of you, especially the ones that know me of any consequence. I love my whiskey and that was my choice.
So to the meat of everything is that she called me last night, texted me a ton and I hardly gave her any attention. And she freaked out and started worrying that I was ignoring her. I think I know I can play this game better now. Because it's 100% game for her.
It's whatever to be honest, I got my health and my dashing good looks and thats all a guy like me needs. Aviento..
Spinning
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
No your right...
I knew we weren't talking, So silly of me to think anything otherwise. Because I always talk to girls on facetime right before I go to sleep or I always go to various places around Atlanta just to see you.
I get what I am, I'm the phone call to get instructions to Atlanta, talk about crazy ex bf with or the one that you only hangout with in groups. I'm your ticket to a fraternity party with your best friend who goes to the same school as me. No, it's very clear what I am, I just needed some validation. Good bye.
I feel like that is the meanest thing I could write to her. I know it's not the right thing to do but do I want to. I know that by typing it would end all chances of ever talking to her again. But you know what I am hurt and I'll admit that. She played with me, again.
I mean why the fuck would she call me her my gf jokingly that one time. And WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE ASK ABOUT DATE NIGHTS AND FORMALS? What a little fucking brat. I honestly don't like her one bit. Not even the slightest. I'm just so upset I ever convince myself that this girl was right for me. She is just a fucking tease. I'm obviously not what she wants, that is why I'm in the friendzone.
I just can't believe she says that crap to me. What the hell else am I suppose to think?? I'm so pissed off right now, this is just some of the biggest shit of my life. I didn't know we were talking, I just thought we were friends. All we fucking did was talk! Do you honestly think I want to be friends with someone who I have feelings for while she doesn't care one bit? I mean she has literally ignored my comments to her. I have to her face told her that I liked her and she says this crap? Don't play dumb. You just wanted to keep talking to me because you felt bad and didn't want to hurt my feelings at all. So you started talking to me less and less and to another guy. But you talked to me just enough not to have my feelings hurt. Just enough for me not to start thinking anything was up.
Now you got caught and your playing dumb. It's ok though, I don't care one bit as long as you are happy, just be happy knowing that I'm no longer your "friend."
NEXT!
I get what I am, I'm the phone call to get instructions to Atlanta, talk about crazy ex bf with or the one that you only hangout with in groups. I'm your ticket to a fraternity party with your best friend who goes to the same school as me. No, it's very clear what I am, I just needed some validation. Good bye.
I feel like that is the meanest thing I could write to her. I know it's not the right thing to do but do I want to. I know that by typing it would end all chances of ever talking to her again. But you know what I am hurt and I'll admit that. She played with me, again.
I mean why the fuck would she call me her my gf jokingly that one time. And WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE ASK ABOUT DATE NIGHTS AND FORMALS? What a little fucking brat. I honestly don't like her one bit. Not even the slightest. I'm just so upset I ever convince myself that this girl was right for me. She is just a fucking tease. I'm obviously not what she wants, that is why I'm in the friendzone.
I just can't believe she says that crap to me. What the hell else am I suppose to think?? I'm so pissed off right now, this is just some of the biggest shit of my life. I didn't know we were talking, I just thought we were friends. All we fucking did was talk! Do you honestly think I want to be friends with someone who I have feelings for while she doesn't care one bit? I mean she has literally ignored my comments to her. I have to her face told her that I liked her and she says this crap? Don't play dumb. You just wanted to keep talking to me because you felt bad and didn't want to hurt my feelings at all. So you started talking to me less and less and to another guy. But you talked to me just enough not to have my feelings hurt. Just enough for me not to start thinking anything was up.
Now you got caught and your playing dumb. It's ok though, I don't care one bit as long as you are happy, just be happy knowing that I'm no longer your "friend."
NEXT!
Friday, August 10, 2012
Good day blogger sphere...
Early morning crickets just going on a chirpin, I don't try to make to much attention of them though. Growing up in Georgia your whole life you get used to all the crickets, even in the city. I never would have thought that I would have lived in the city now going on my 5th year. Half of a decade of my life in this rotten city. Don't get me wrong, I'm the cities number one fan, I truly am. But sometimes the niggers can really just be too much of a damn lousy stereotype. I didn't come to Atlanta saying nigger or talking ill of black men. Actually I was looking in my old childhood bedroom and I have a magazine clipping of Jackie Robinson. It kinda took me back to be perfectly honest. I forgot how much I care about the black race and how anti-racist I was.
Now after living in the city I truly understand the meaning of a nigger. I've come to the conclusion that a nigger and black man are two separate entities. Niggers are thief's, low life's, drug attics, prostitutes, scum of the earth. Black man is educated, has a job, family commitment, and a decent up bringing himself. I know jesus says to love thy brother, or I think he does at least. But how can I love thy brother if I can't even trust him with the rotten 4 dollars in my wallet. Which leads to me my concern in my life..
I need to start thinking about getting a job and to be perfectly honest I don't where the hell I'm gonna be getting one. My brother might end up getting a job for home depot, which I think I could work with one day. They are an extremely strong company, especially within the state of Georgia. The only reason why I want a job is so that I have financial flexibility for the future of my uncreated family. I have the mantra now that I'm trying to do good in school for my future children. I need to make sure that I can take care of my children and that they have a safe house under their heads. I don't think I can live with so much uncertainty in my life. I don't even know what I'm going to do.
I looked into taking grad school classes for N. Georgia. I guess that was back at talking with Bailey. I didn't know that at the time she had been talking with some guy from Alabama. I should have realized. It threw me off to be honest. I though that she was talking to her ex for sometime because I would go such long times without talking to her. But then she started to batmouth her ex so I just assumed that I was in the clear. As soon as I saw the facebook post I knew something was up, and then the last one was the nail in the coffin for me. I had to text her and sadly enough she was too immature to even answer my text message. I cared a lot about her too, it's pretty bogus that she is just going to leave me hanging. I thought she care more about me then that but I guess I was just mistaken.
The problem is that she never want to hurt anyone. She always wants to make people happy. So she played along with me to make me happy. Giving me attention from time to time and doing group events with me. I never realized that I was being put into the friend zone. I know what I'm going to do now. I'm going to text her and it's going to be from the heart. I know that when she looks at me, it's isn't just as a friend. I know that she has feelings for me, it might be waning but I know they are there. Sure, it might be easier for her to date someone younger that her mom approves and someone that is going to be out there in the real world in the next year, while she is just a sophomore. I know these things make it much more complicate. But I also know that smiles at me when I'm not even saying anything special. I know that her body leans to me when we are standing near one another. I know when she hugs me good bye she holds me very close.
It's a shame the way things have turned out the way they have. I thought god was truly looking out for me to be quiet honest. I mean it would make sense. God is looking out for my well being and I thought that I would be most happy while dating Bailey but evidently I was incorrect. Oh well, onward to another, I suppose. I thought that I could really hit the jackpot this time but no matter what, so far, the house wins. I hope one day I find my wife and she will be the luckiest woman in the world. I will treat her so darn good she won't even know what life was like before we ever knew one another. She will be my special woman who I will hold near every night. I just need that chance and it will be perfect. If Bailey would have given it to me should would have never been dissapointed, it's her loss though. She will never know what it feels like to be loved by me.
I'm not sure about the that text message really too much. It's seems like it could have some negative side effects. But I swear that she cares about me. I just can't believe it goes that fast. Though it did with Victoria I reckon, and Ally. Man did I like them too, maybe I'm just too upfront with my feelings and it puts too much pressure on them. I'm not sure but when I hit the right age the pressure I put should work well. If I were to meet Bailey at age 24 for her, 6 years from now she would be a much better match for me. I know that she is much better looking then me but I thought we had a connection that could have been special.
I'm gonna shut this novel off for the night... I feel like not too much sense was made but it sure as hell was a long one.
Spinning way to drunk
Now after living in the city I truly understand the meaning of a nigger. I've come to the conclusion that a nigger and black man are two separate entities. Niggers are thief's, low life's, drug attics, prostitutes, scum of the earth. Black man is educated, has a job, family commitment, and a decent up bringing himself. I know jesus says to love thy brother, or I think he does at least. But how can I love thy brother if I can't even trust him with the rotten 4 dollars in my wallet. Which leads to me my concern in my life..
I need to start thinking about getting a job and to be perfectly honest I don't where the hell I'm gonna be getting one. My brother might end up getting a job for home depot, which I think I could work with one day. They are an extremely strong company, especially within the state of Georgia. The only reason why I want a job is so that I have financial flexibility for the future of my uncreated family. I have the mantra now that I'm trying to do good in school for my future children. I need to make sure that I can take care of my children and that they have a safe house under their heads. I don't think I can live with so much uncertainty in my life. I don't even know what I'm going to do.
I looked into taking grad school classes for N. Georgia. I guess that was back at talking with Bailey. I didn't know that at the time she had been talking with some guy from Alabama. I should have realized. It threw me off to be honest. I though that she was talking to her ex for sometime because I would go such long times without talking to her. But then she started to batmouth her ex so I just assumed that I was in the clear. As soon as I saw the facebook post I knew something was up, and then the last one was the nail in the coffin for me. I had to text her and sadly enough she was too immature to even answer my text message. I cared a lot about her too, it's pretty bogus that she is just going to leave me hanging. I thought she care more about me then that but I guess I was just mistaken.
The problem is that she never want to hurt anyone. She always wants to make people happy. So she played along with me to make me happy. Giving me attention from time to time and doing group events with me. I never realized that I was being put into the friend zone. I know what I'm going to do now. I'm going to text her and it's going to be from the heart. I know that when she looks at me, it's isn't just as a friend. I know that she has feelings for me, it might be waning but I know they are there. Sure, it might be easier for her to date someone younger that her mom approves and someone that is going to be out there in the real world in the next year, while she is just a sophomore. I know these things make it much more complicate. But I also know that smiles at me when I'm not even saying anything special. I know that her body leans to me when we are standing near one another. I know when she hugs me good bye she holds me very close.
It's a shame the way things have turned out the way they have. I thought god was truly looking out for me to be quiet honest. I mean it would make sense. God is looking out for my well being and I thought that I would be most happy while dating Bailey but evidently I was incorrect. Oh well, onward to another, I suppose. I thought that I could really hit the jackpot this time but no matter what, so far, the house wins. I hope one day I find my wife and she will be the luckiest woman in the world. I will treat her so darn good she won't even know what life was like before we ever knew one another. She will be my special woman who I will hold near every night. I just need that chance and it will be perfect. If Bailey would have given it to me should would have never been dissapointed, it's her loss though. She will never know what it feels like to be loved by me.
I'm not sure about the that text message really too much. It's seems like it could have some negative side effects. But I swear that she cares about me. I just can't believe it goes that fast. Though it did with Victoria I reckon, and Ally. Man did I like them too, maybe I'm just too upfront with my feelings and it puts too much pressure on them. I'm not sure but when I hit the right age the pressure I put should work well. If I were to meet Bailey at age 24 for her, 6 years from now she would be a much better match for me. I know that she is much better looking then me but I thought we had a connection that could have been special.
I'm gonna shut this novel off for the night... I feel like not too much sense was made but it sure as hell was a long one.
Spinning way to drunk
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Ramblings
I dropped facebook tonight, maybe a little dramatic but I just don't feel like seeing the social world right now. I'm almost positive this girl I have been talking to has been talking to another guy at the same time. I texted her today regarding the matter and she never texted back. So I guess we know who won her heart.... Oh well. Life goes on. By the way I just took a couple of sleep aid pills so things could be getting interesting in the next 30 mins. I don't turn to drugs to curve any symptoms of me feeling down but right now I don't feel like being part of reality. Sometime it's better living a lie and not being sober for a little.
I'll come with terms on the matter soon. It's probably when she confronts me and is honest. I thought about messaging her best friend today but I realized that I don't want to hear this information from anyone else except Bailey. Anyways if she isn't mature enough, nor care about my feeling enough to let me know what is going on then I guess it just wasn't meant to be to begin with.
Timeout, I'm going to go wash my face, already starting to feel groggy but it could be just the lack of sleep I got last night. Who knows....
Screw it. I don't really need all the glitz and glamour of social media. Everyone and their mother have it these days, including my mom. I don't need to know what my friends are doing at all times. I don't need to know who broke up with who and who is eating where. My friends will still call me and try to hangout with me. And if they don't then I reckon they aren't truly my friends. Plus I have some pretty good friends with me right now, I have my own mental health, which in my opinion is very good, I have Jesus Christ my lord and savior that's not one to really scoff at, and then I have Mark Twain and all the other American classic to read.
It's pathetic the world these days anyways, people read some stupid facebook post about atheism but they don't read some of the greatest writers that have lived thoughts on religion. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong times. I hate so many things that are wrong with the world these days. Everyone is just taking the shortcuts. They read the spark notes and never read the writer. I love to read, I know it doesn't appear that way with my poor writing and grammar but I truly do.
In high school I used to the read all the time. I think even some years I would read up to 10 books. I'm currently rereading Huck Finn by Mark Twain. Thats not the exact title but these sleeping pills are catching up and honestly I'm loosing focus on what I'm writing about at all. I figure you can understand the reference of him being one of my friends as now. I like Twain's sarcasm a lot and I like his whole philosophy on life because it truly does match mine. I poke fun of people all the time and to be quiet frank I think me and Ole Mark would have been good buddies. I don't know what he did in spare time outside of writing great novels but I can imagine that his thoughts through his writings have to match what he thinks about life in general. I mean that is what I write about.
It's amazing modern science though. These pills are really starting to kick in. My eyes are so heavy right now and I have forgotten to put on my acne cream. Better do that right now.
Where was I? Oh yeah Mark Twain, I'm not exactly sure where I was going with that. My brain is just moving in slow motion now. Can gather my thoughts, I want to go to sleep but at the same time I want to keep on typing. I throw my feelings on this blog all the time but I wanted to get real tonight. Even though I don't know if it's real at all.
So lets go back to the main topic, I changed the title though, it was originally about me dropping facebook but now I just put it as ramblings, which in my opinion, is more appropriate. Any-who, I dropped facebook. I did primarily not to see anymore status updates and crap from Bailey. I just want that out of my life right now, so that I can focus on myself.
I love to live so much. Some people go through life, just going through the motions. My brother I love him till the day I die but his pessimism is going to be the end of him. He doesn't exercise at all because he has bad knees. I haven't even been able to walk the last two months and have lost 20 lbs by eating healthy, sleeping well and lifting weights. I'm living proof to him you don't need to have strong knees to be healthy. He's a great guy though. He just beats himself up too much sometimes. I mean hell, life beats you up enough, you can't do it to yourself all the time or your just going to feel like crap. I think that's the reason why he drinks so much alcohol these days. Guy polishes off a bottle of wine all the time. I don't know what he does back at his place but when he is here he drinks, early even.
I've been down his road before but at a much younger age. I know he wouldn't believe it but I was a little addicted to alcohol. It comes off and on but my freshman year during a period I was and this last spring early may for me. I know it sounds crazy but it does run in my family and I can tell I like it a lot. I try to stay away from the stuff as much as I can. I only do it in social functions or with my roomates now. I would gander this summer I have done it maybe 10 or so times, which this time last summer it would be more around 50 or so. Maybe more. I never kept track but I would drink in streaks of 4-5 days at a time. The worse part about it is that I would wake up in the morning and the drink I was craving wasn't water, it was whiskey, which is my catnip I reckon.
Some people can't shoot the stuff but I have been drinking clear as Andrew Jackson at high noon since I was 16 or 17. I can't really remember nor do the details really matter. Regardless of how much and how long I can, I choose not to do it very much anymore. I at first was doing it to impress Bailey and prove to her I can be a normal person in society. Because outside of the fraternity I doubt most people drink as much as I did. And who am I kidding I drank more then just a couple of people in the fraternity. I guess in some ways I was considered a tank for my size, which is only 160-180 range for the last 20 years.
So I've tried coping with my depression or avoidance of reality with alcohol and I noticed all it truly did was making me even more depressed. So if I'm feeling down, one thing for sure is that I'm not going to drink. I promised myself that my freshman year of college when I would drink half a handle of whiskey a night, god save my liver. Once again note the sleeping pills during my time of despair, which just writing these words made me chuckle because I have little despair.
I learn things everyday, and today I learned that somethings are just not meant to be. In years past I would be broken into little pieces but now I know that things are going to be ok. If God wants me to be with her then he will and if doesn't then doesn't. I'll prove my committment to her one more time but I'm not going to put much stock into it. I don't put too much stock into anyone really.
A couple of weeks ago I went to some church thing with Bailey and one of the pastures said that you can't put your faith in man but you can with god. At the time I'm thinking, I have faith in man, but now more then ever I value my faith with god. He took care of my dad tonight. I know that the procedure was not suppose to be a big deal an all but none the less he was getting cut open. Power could have gone off I don't know, crazy stuff happens. I got down and prayed in my bathroom and thanked God for looking out for my dad today. Everyday he shows himself to me, I just have to listen. Even right now I feel His presence and it's calming. Some people don't believe in this stuff and thats because they never gave it a shot. I gave it a shot and I like it a lot. It's calming to know that someone is out there and He is doing everything He can for me to walk the best path.
I use to be bitter about situations that have recently occurred but now I know that Jesus is here for me. I know that even in my darkest times I have my faith. I might have temporarily lost my faith in man but I'm never going to loose my faith in Him. He just means too much to me now. He brings me solace and I can accept these outcomes better then ever. Eventually one day I'll find my special someone but for now I'm going to find out who my real friends are, keep my faith in god, and read some Mark Twain. And that is enough to make me smile right now, which is what life is all about. I want to spread my happiness to everyone and only bring positive energy to any situation. I want everyone to love life as much as me and be thankful for everything. Thank you God for everything.
Spinning on Sleeping Pills
I'll come with terms on the matter soon. It's probably when she confronts me and is honest. I thought about messaging her best friend today but I realized that I don't want to hear this information from anyone else except Bailey. Anyways if she isn't mature enough, nor care about my feeling enough to let me know what is going on then I guess it just wasn't meant to be to begin with.
Timeout, I'm going to go wash my face, already starting to feel groggy but it could be just the lack of sleep I got last night. Who knows....
Screw it. I don't really need all the glitz and glamour of social media. Everyone and their mother have it these days, including my mom. I don't need to know what my friends are doing at all times. I don't need to know who broke up with who and who is eating where. My friends will still call me and try to hangout with me. And if they don't then I reckon they aren't truly my friends. Plus I have some pretty good friends with me right now, I have my own mental health, which in my opinion is very good, I have Jesus Christ my lord and savior that's not one to really scoff at, and then I have Mark Twain and all the other American classic to read.
It's pathetic the world these days anyways, people read some stupid facebook post about atheism but they don't read some of the greatest writers that have lived thoughts on religion. Sometimes I feel like I was born in the wrong times. I hate so many things that are wrong with the world these days. Everyone is just taking the shortcuts. They read the spark notes and never read the writer. I love to read, I know it doesn't appear that way with my poor writing and grammar but I truly do.
In high school I used to the read all the time. I think even some years I would read up to 10 books. I'm currently rereading Huck Finn by Mark Twain. Thats not the exact title but these sleeping pills are catching up and honestly I'm loosing focus on what I'm writing about at all. I figure you can understand the reference of him being one of my friends as now. I like Twain's sarcasm a lot and I like his whole philosophy on life because it truly does match mine. I poke fun of people all the time and to be quiet frank I think me and Ole Mark would have been good buddies. I don't know what he did in spare time outside of writing great novels but I can imagine that his thoughts through his writings have to match what he thinks about life in general. I mean that is what I write about.
It's amazing modern science though. These pills are really starting to kick in. My eyes are so heavy right now and I have forgotten to put on my acne cream. Better do that right now.
Where was I? Oh yeah Mark Twain, I'm not exactly sure where I was going with that. My brain is just moving in slow motion now. Can gather my thoughts, I want to go to sleep but at the same time I want to keep on typing. I throw my feelings on this blog all the time but I wanted to get real tonight. Even though I don't know if it's real at all.
So lets go back to the main topic, I changed the title though, it was originally about me dropping facebook but now I just put it as ramblings, which in my opinion, is more appropriate. Any-who, I dropped facebook. I did primarily not to see anymore status updates and crap from Bailey. I just want that out of my life right now, so that I can focus on myself.
I love to live so much. Some people go through life, just going through the motions. My brother I love him till the day I die but his pessimism is going to be the end of him. He doesn't exercise at all because he has bad knees. I haven't even been able to walk the last two months and have lost 20 lbs by eating healthy, sleeping well and lifting weights. I'm living proof to him you don't need to have strong knees to be healthy. He's a great guy though. He just beats himself up too much sometimes. I mean hell, life beats you up enough, you can't do it to yourself all the time or your just going to feel like crap. I think that's the reason why he drinks so much alcohol these days. Guy polishes off a bottle of wine all the time. I don't know what he does back at his place but when he is here he drinks, early even.
I've been down his road before but at a much younger age. I know he wouldn't believe it but I was a little addicted to alcohol. It comes off and on but my freshman year during a period I was and this last spring early may for me. I know it sounds crazy but it does run in my family and I can tell I like it a lot. I try to stay away from the stuff as much as I can. I only do it in social functions or with my roomates now. I would gander this summer I have done it maybe 10 or so times, which this time last summer it would be more around 50 or so. Maybe more. I never kept track but I would drink in streaks of 4-5 days at a time. The worse part about it is that I would wake up in the morning and the drink I was craving wasn't water, it was whiskey, which is my catnip I reckon.
Some people can't shoot the stuff but I have been drinking clear as Andrew Jackson at high noon since I was 16 or 17. I can't really remember nor do the details really matter. Regardless of how much and how long I can, I choose not to do it very much anymore. I at first was doing it to impress Bailey and prove to her I can be a normal person in society. Because outside of the fraternity I doubt most people drink as much as I did. And who am I kidding I drank more then just a couple of people in the fraternity. I guess in some ways I was considered a tank for my size, which is only 160-180 range for the last 20 years.
So I've tried coping with my depression or avoidance of reality with alcohol and I noticed all it truly did was making me even more depressed. So if I'm feeling down, one thing for sure is that I'm not going to drink. I promised myself that my freshman year of college when I would drink half a handle of whiskey a night, god save my liver. Once again note the sleeping pills during my time of despair, which just writing these words made me chuckle because I have little despair.
I learn things everyday, and today I learned that somethings are just not meant to be. In years past I would be broken into little pieces but now I know that things are going to be ok. If God wants me to be with her then he will and if doesn't then doesn't. I'll prove my committment to her one more time but I'm not going to put much stock into it. I don't put too much stock into anyone really.
A couple of weeks ago I went to some church thing with Bailey and one of the pastures said that you can't put your faith in man but you can with god. At the time I'm thinking, I have faith in man, but now more then ever I value my faith with god. He took care of my dad tonight. I know that the procedure was not suppose to be a big deal an all but none the less he was getting cut open. Power could have gone off I don't know, crazy stuff happens. I got down and prayed in my bathroom and thanked God for looking out for my dad today. Everyday he shows himself to me, I just have to listen. Even right now I feel His presence and it's calming. Some people don't believe in this stuff and thats because they never gave it a shot. I gave it a shot and I like it a lot. It's calming to know that someone is out there and He is doing everything He can for me to walk the best path.
I use to be bitter about situations that have recently occurred but now I know that Jesus is here for me. I know that even in my darkest times I have my faith. I might have temporarily lost my faith in man but I'm never going to loose my faith in Him. He just means too much to me now. He brings me solace and I can accept these outcomes better then ever. Eventually one day I'll find my special someone but for now I'm going to find out who my real friends are, keep my faith in god, and read some Mark Twain. And that is enough to make me smile right now, which is what life is all about. I want to spread my happiness to everyone and only bring positive energy to any situation. I want everyone to love life as much as me and be thankful for everything. Thank you God for everything.
Spinning on Sleeping Pills
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
Jump back up
Only you can put yourself in the dumps and for me I am pretty darn good at it. I was for a little tonight, I think I'm just more confused but a little disappointed. I won't divulge into the details because I'm probably just being paranoid but part of me thinks I am right. I guess that is what a paranoid guy like me does...
My paranoia is what drives me. It is literally what makes me good at anything. If I loose it then I become mediocre but if I keep it makes me pretty good at something. Sadly this doesn't translate into girls. Thus I have learned that when/if I'm paranoid I need to not listen to it because without a doubt it will do more harm then good.
So, I guess, I'm in the dumps or was. I'm not really sure. I'm trying to process everything but I know that the truth will come out eventually and I have prepared myself. I guess that's the only thing you can do in life sometimes, prepare yourself.
John Wooden once said, "failing to prepare, is preparing to fail." That quote has always resonated with my paranoia. So when I really do care about something, and trust me I don't care about too many things, I prepare myself for the outcomes. I'm going to run my course through this situation but regardless I will be prepared.
Life just can be too hard if you aren't prepared. But this isn't a post about life. This is about jumping back up? I guess, I need to be better with my titles because I just go on tangents on these post that literally not at one point do I highlight though it. So I guess the point of this is that I need to jump back up from earlier bout with depression.
In some ways I'm not depressed at all. I love the direction my life is heading, my knee is getting better though it does hiccup frequently as of now, I did good in summer school, and I'm getting in good shape. So much so that my roommate asked to workout with me this week. I need to start looking for internships and doing a couple things for my new position in the fraternity but outside of that I'm happy with my life.
Things don't always go as plan and you can be prepared for every result but no matter what life throw's you a monkey wrench. My monkey wrench is a beautiful young lady that has been messing with my head for a couple of months for now. Never was I prepared for her, which in some ways makes it great but my head doesn't always enjoy it. One thing I do hope for is that this monkey wrench continues to mess with my head but if it doesn't it will not be the end of my life. I know what I want and will fight for it but as they say it takes two to tango.
Also another poor cliche is that it's better to love and for it to be lost then to never love at all. Even if I'm echoing these sentiment in the near future, I know one thing for sure, that I'm living. And that makes me jump back up.
Spinning
My paranoia is what drives me. It is literally what makes me good at anything. If I loose it then I become mediocre but if I keep it makes me pretty good at something. Sadly this doesn't translate into girls. Thus I have learned that when/if I'm paranoid I need to not listen to it because without a doubt it will do more harm then good.
So, I guess, I'm in the dumps or was. I'm not really sure. I'm trying to process everything but I know that the truth will come out eventually and I have prepared myself. I guess that's the only thing you can do in life sometimes, prepare yourself.
John Wooden once said, "failing to prepare, is preparing to fail." That quote has always resonated with my paranoia. So when I really do care about something, and trust me I don't care about too many things, I prepare myself for the outcomes. I'm going to run my course through this situation but regardless I will be prepared.
Life just can be too hard if you aren't prepared. But this isn't a post about life. This is about jumping back up? I guess, I need to be better with my titles because I just go on tangents on these post that literally not at one point do I highlight though it. So I guess the point of this is that I need to jump back up from earlier bout with depression.
In some ways I'm not depressed at all. I love the direction my life is heading, my knee is getting better though it does hiccup frequently as of now, I did good in summer school, and I'm getting in good shape. So much so that my roommate asked to workout with me this week. I need to start looking for internships and doing a couple things for my new position in the fraternity but outside of that I'm happy with my life.
Things don't always go as plan and you can be prepared for every result but no matter what life throw's you a monkey wrench. My monkey wrench is a beautiful young lady that has been messing with my head for a couple of months for now. Never was I prepared for her, which in some ways makes it great but my head doesn't always enjoy it. One thing I do hope for is that this monkey wrench continues to mess with my head but if it doesn't it will not be the end of my life. I know what I want and will fight for it but as they say it takes two to tango.
Also another poor cliche is that it's better to love and for it to be lost then to never love at all. Even if I'm echoing these sentiment in the near future, I know one thing for sure, that I'm living. And that makes me jump back up.
Spinning
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