Just feel like typing

I'm just going to type what comes to my mind, I don't have any plans in editing this or having much of a directions, at least on purpose.

I suppose I'm starting to lose faith in my chances with this girl. I think the whole situation and play it back in my mind. I meet her at party, I remember her name. Start talking to her, next thing I know she is in high school and has a bf. It sounds pretty bizarre but that really just the beginning of it.

I ended up liking her, at first I was doing this purely because, well to put bluntly, I nothing better else to do. She was really cute and pretty and I was lonely and bored. I talked to her for a good month really and during that time we both began to fall for one another. Turns out she was no longer with her ex bf which finally gave me the ok. I went for it and thought I did a good job. I took her out to a braves game, we held hands and kissed on the warm summer night. I remember her skin and how soft it was, I of course, was sweating like a pig. Irish folk don't do well in the summer, at least when it comes to perspiring.

It didn't seem to faze her though and she seemed like she was having a great time. Little did I know that would be the first and last time I kiss her. It was such a bittersweet parting kiss, I could tell she still was upset about the her ex bf. Something was off and then she didn't text me at all afterwards. Next thing I know her ex bf has lost his marbles and is being abusive to her. He takes her phone and makes her write me some mean text saying we can't talk again.

I'm crushed at work back at Turner Field. Just one night ago I was really happy, 24 hours later I'm blown away. I told myself that day, though, that I wasn't going to give up. I still keep telling myself that. I don't want to lose faith in her but it's difficult sometimes, when you never see her.

So that day I marked it down on my calender, 6/20. That would be the next date I try to contact her. I was patient and didn't break myself down. In year past I wouldn't have waited but this time I was careful and precise. 4/20 was the first day we met and on 5/20 we hung out in person again, so I thought this would be really romantic little move.  For the time being it was a good move, we talked for a week or so and then once again her ex bf begins to act out and this time he goes off the deep in. This goes on for a couple of days and I don't hear anything from her. We talk on the 4th and a little of the 5 and that is the last I heard from her.

I don't know what to think honestly, I'm really starting to doubt my chances with her. It just seems like it's not going to happen and too many things going against us. She's a lot younger then me, super religious, mom doesn't like me, ex bf going crazy, and it will be long distance. So why do I continue to hope and pray things will workout?

Well to be honest, I believe I am meant to be with her. I know that makes me an idealistic fool but it seems really right. Happiness sinks in when I talk to her, being near her is just a great feeling all the time. I love the sound of her voice and kind smile. She has an aura around her, it seems to make her glow. She is one of the kindest people I have ever met and without any doubt in my mind I want to be with her and make her happy. I want to be their for her all the way if she will let me.

Hoping and praying that things workout...

Spinning.