How can one be so stupid to reply in such a dumb insecure way. It's like he was trying to prove himself to the American's that he isn't a bad guy way too hard. I'm not too far from that either, really. I swear I can get myself in a situation that you try to avoid withe a whole heart. But it never seems to truly work, though. Everything shortens and tightens up when it comes. A tense feeling goes down my neck. I can feel it come crushing down like rupturing waves smashing against my skull. It feels so heavy, so dark.
I wanted to be happy but lately I can't seem to be. I feel so depressed, I have no one I can really talk with. Also I hate letting people down so I just wait till the last minute to say I can't do something. It's like I'm turning into Alex. I fear this so much, god wouldn't be so cruel. I love my brother but I am not him. We are very different in many, many ways.
I followed his footsteps every step of the way. We use to spend countless hours playing against one another in basketball. Hours of anger, angst, an anguish for yours truly. At some point around 11 I had caught up with him. I was faster, quicker, higher jumper and could shoot lights out sometimes. That was the first time in my life I knew that I could beat my brother. I kept following him, all the way to college. I was a good little brother, I tried so hard to be because I knew I was pretty rotten when I was young. That year, my senior year high school that is when we both saw each other equals. For the first time I wasn't just little old David. Shit, I'm sure if he hung out with me ever he would end up calling me by my last name. I swear everyone ends up calling me that, even girlfriends.
I don't know what it is but there's something about that last name that sticks with people. I honestly don't know why but people love that name. Suppose I like it. It shows my heritage, it's a little rough sounding though. I'm gonna pass out, if someone actually read this I"m sorry for all the errors.
