It takes me to some crazy areas. I constantly think about the same thing all the time and all the different possibilities. Tonight I guess is just another one of these occurrences. We talked last night for an hour and she talks about how she misses me and how she is going to be doing stuff in Atlanta soon and she better see me. I just don't know what to think anymore. Sometimes she is head over heels with me. Like her just staring at me and smiling. I love it when her nose crinkles up. Then next thing I know she's disappeared again.
Tonight she disappeared, I don't know where she went honestly. I texted her, she responds and that's the last I hear from her the whole night. I don't like putting myself out their like this but I feel like everything is so one sided right now. STOP. I need to stop right now.
I guess I really do just type as I go and do very little corrections afterwards. Might be why my blog views is non-existent. Not that I want anyone to be able to find this. Onto my next point, this girl is doing so much to even talk to me a little right now. She has me under a different phone contact because of her mom. Her ex bf literally has been terrorizing her. She has a lot of problems and stress and I need to stop thinking about me and her and realize what she is going through. I think I know what I'm going to pray for tonight.
Sometimes I'm so selfish it makes me disgusted. I'm trying every day to get better. I really am. Sometimes I'm just too big of a cynic for my own good. I really do believe in people and I think they can do good. And behind any misdeed that someone does, they aren't out to hurt anyone. They are purely thinking for what is best for them. I don't hate people like this, I have been a person like this in the past. And to an extent I think everyone is.
There's a fork in the road on every issue. Sometimes they are many different directions but for the sake of simplicity lets make it just two directions. You can either choose selfish evil way or the selfless good way. You find 5 dollars at a friends house on the floor, you pick it up obviously, but then you have a decision to make. Do you stuff it down your pocket or do you hand it to the owner of the house. Personally there isn't a price tag on my integrity and measly 5 bucks is going to make me steal.
Over the entire course of my life I have avoided doing bad things. Drugs, sex, you name it I didn't do it. Even now I have the moments of clarity but they are drowned down by college. Every day I feel like I get closer to the man I want to be. That in itself is a true gift. I'm so happy God has given me direction. I love him and everything he has provided me. He gave me good parents with good values. And gave me the ability to learn these values and use them in real life.
I know I'm not the best person but everyday I'm trying to better myself. I thank god for everything, it's a truly a blessing every day.
Spinning forward
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